


The biggest monsters we have to face are our own minds

by Yesimevil



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, I also suck at writing, i suck at summaries, would this be considered angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 17:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16769833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yesimevil/pseuds/Yesimevil
Summary: The Doctor needs a hug and she gets it.





	The biggest monsters we have to face are our own minds

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone know how to make words italicized on here? Please let me know!

The Doctor never particularly liked the Khhu-Shu-Sw race.

Which was just as well, as they absolutely despised her.

They had saved a Khhu-Shu-Swian spaceship, and in return the captain had offered to show the Doctor’s friends the wonders of the universe.

They quickly declined, saying they traveled with the Doctor.

“You would travel with this...this _monster_?”

The Khhu-Shu-Sw had spit at them. Her friends, her loyal, _brilliant_ friends had jumped to her defense, but the insult had already sunk in.

Her mood was noticeably darkened when they trudged back to the Tardis, her thoughts swirling about in her head in a jumbled mess. She barely noticed when Yaz and Ryan announced they were headed off to bed, and she assumed Graham followed in suit. She fiddled with the Tardis, the creature’s words ringing in her head.

_You would travel with this monster?_

She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts and shrugged off her coat, hanging it by the door.

_Monster_

She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes.

They weren’t safe with her.

She looked at the Tardis.

“I should take them home,” she announced. It was more painful when she said it out loud. “When they wake up, I’ll take them home.” Tears stung her eyes at the prospect of losing her friends. The Tardis made a disapproving noise.

“I don’t want to either, but it has to be done.” She marched over to the console decisively, her hearts burning with guilt. She strode around it and nearly slammed into Graham. She quickly switched on a smile.

“Graham! I thought you’d gone to bed! You gave me a real scare!”

Graham stared back, unamused.

“So you’re gonna abandon us then?” His eyes held cold betrayal in them. The Doctor felt her forced smile slipping from her face.

_Monster_

“No, no, not abandon you just...keep you safe.” Graham let out humorless laugh.

“And how would that be keeping us safe? Safe from what? There are millions of dangerous on the earth alone, we wouldn’t be safe from sixty-five percent of them!” He was right. But they would still be safe from _her_.

“Besides, we are having the greatest time of our lives!” He continued. She shrugged, trying not to care.

“You’d leave me sooner or later,” she shot back sourly, walking back around to console swiftly.

“What’s gotten into you, have you gone daft? Why would we _ever_ leave you?” Graham questioned, following close behind her. She ignored him.

“Doctor, talk to me,” he demanded. She flipped some switches harshly.

“Stop ignoring me! Give me a good reason why we should leave you!” He shouted exasperatedly. She whirled around to face him with an agitated glint in her eye.

“Because I’m dangerous, and as long as you’re with me, you’re not safe.” She burst out angrily. Graham took a small step back in shock, not expecting the sudden outburst.  
“If you knew half the things I’ve done, a _fraction_ of the populations I’ve destroyed, the innocent lives I’ve ruined forever, then you would have more than enough reasons to leave!” She swallowed heavily and pushed past the lump in her throat. “And I’m too selfish to tell you! I’m afraid of losing you, I-“ her voice caught and she hung her head in shame. “I’m-I’m a monster, I-I don’t deserve- “ Her masked emotions broke free, watering the Tardis with her tears. She leaned heavily on the console, trying to support herself. Her chest was burning, the weight of her sins pressing down on her, the dread of her new-found family leaving her, crushing her.

 _Monster_ , _monster_ , _**monster**_ , _**monst**_ -

She felt Graham’s gentle arms surround her, drowning out the voices chanting in her head, and she clung to his jacket like it was a lifeline, burying her face into his chest as sobs racked her body. She was vaguely aware of Graham stroking her hair in a soothing matter.

“I-I just- I just want t-to keep you sa-safe,” she sobbed out brokenly. Graham tightened the hug slightly.

“Whatever you’ve done, it was in the past. You’re a different person now, regardless of who or what you were before.” He assured her. Her sobs died down slowly, and they stood there for a while afterwards. When they broke apart the Doctor wiped her face awkwardly.

“Thanks, I...I didn’t know how much I needed that.” Graham smiled at her comfortingly.

“Don’t worry, you’ll never get rid of us,” he joked. She gave genuine smile.

“I certainly hope not.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there are any mistakes or typos, or if there’s something I could have phrased better! Also if you have any story prompts let me know in the comments! :) have a lovely day!


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